Yesterday mostly and a little today, I just feel like I'm failing at everything. I feel like I have so much I need and want to do and I'm not getting it done. I'm sure that it is compounded by the fact that I just got back from vacation and it takes awhile to get caught up. I might be pmsing too. I need to go check a calendar.
Anyway . . .
and then sometimes I just start feeling really insecure thinking that everyone thinks badly of me. Yesterday I was at bookclub with all of these other amazing women and I just had to ask myself, "What am I doing here???". And then I always manage to come across as an idiot and I just want to stop talking forever.
At least Mary and Jeff love me right?
Here is everything I want to do or do better on . . .
spiritual nourishment, temple attendance, family history, working out, I need to organize my recipe book soooooooo bad, I want to start couponing, I'm behind on scrapbooking, reading, CLEANING,
*big sigh*
IRONING
Oh! And I have to get ready for my talk in just over a week and I need to set up one more musical number for that day (but I kinda left this last one to the last minute which will make it harder).
Oh, and I really need to give myself a pedicure and I need new hair because it is back to that ashy green dishwater color and I am getting old and wrinkled and I probably need to start wearing stuff like concealer but I have absolutely no clue about any of that.
I am completely serious when I say that all of those things above are just the short list.
I feel this way a little bit all the time but it has just been more the last couple of days.
At least I finally cooked dinner last night!
I will just keep plugging along and doing the best I can. That is really all I can do. But I just wish I could DO more and Be more.
But with that, I will now list many of my blessings so that I will leave this post on a positive note and so I can remember that I have so much to be grateful for.
I am blessed because of . . .
Mary
Jeff
employment - even Better employment
it's summer
we are all healthy
I have awesome families (mine and Jeff's)
I have everything I need and most of what I want
I can sing
I love our church and ward
This is just a small list.
Anyway, thanks for listening.
And please don't try to compliment me now or anything. I'm not looking for that. I just need to unload a bit.
Thanks friends.
I hear it, all of it. So many times I feel the same way! I am never "caught up"--there is always more. And feeling like a failure, I know that feeling. Well, I AM a failure without Jesus and these things, daily things, remind me how much I need Him to do ANYTHING. The GOOD NEWS is that His blood shed on the cross for me makes me perfect, that's how He sees me because of it!
ReplyDeleteLove you, Another dishwater-haired, wrinkled and behind girl :)
"a mother's work is never done"...so just enjoy the journey.
ReplyDeleteI know you said you didn't want compliments, but this one isn't phony so I'm gonna say it...
You are amazing in every way. In fact, some people can't even get to thinking about putting some of those things on a to do list because they don't even have that capacity (like me). Sometimes it's okay to just give yourself a break. ...And decide the things that really matter and pat yourself on the back for getting them done...like loving and caring for that cute Mary.
Just my two cents...like I'm one to talk. :)
Thanks girls. Now that it has been awhile since I wrote this - and I have a little more perspective - I think the biggest lesson for me is that I NEED to pray daily. I always notice a difference when I do or when I don't! I do need Heavenly Father's help. And most of the time I do pray, but the last couple of weeks I just sort of got out of my routine.
ReplyDeleteBut it really is as necessary as food for me.
Thanks for your awesome words of encouragement!
It's times that I feel this way that I climb in bed at night and remind myself that I get to spend every amazing moment with a baby -- and children -- that I love more than anything. Everything else will get accomplished in it's own due time but she won't be as little tomorrow as she was today.
ReplyDeleteYou're real Annie and that's what I like best!
I'm glad I'm not the only one that has days like that!!! Coming home from vacation always feels like that for me especially if I've just been with family! You will be fine:) Give yourself a week!
ReplyDelete