What does the Atonement mean to me?

Last Sunday, I was asked to share what the Atonement meant to me. I thought then about sharing it on my blog - but resisted because it is pretty personal. But I've had the thought everyday since and so I will go ahead and share.

In one word - what the Atonement means to me - is HOPE. On Sunday, for the Sacrament hymn - we sang "Oh God the Eternal Father". The last line says Jesus had to die - "or all was lost". This is the truth. No one on this earth could be saved without His sacrifice. So this gives me hope especially because I am so flawed and so immature spiritually speaking.

There have been times in my life when I have deliberately sinned and there have been times when I've sinned and maybe didn't fully understand that I was sinning. And then there have been times when I've made honest mistakes - where I really didn't mean to do something wrong and I did. Or there have been other times when just because I am human I have neglected something. Mix all those mistakes, shortcomings, and sins together with my personality flaws and you have someone who really would be doomed. Thankfully, Christ's atoning sacrifice covers all of these things.

A few other thoughts . . .

It also makes me feeled loved that He would do this for me.

And lastly (for now at least), it makes me feel like there is someone out there who "gets me" perfectly. There are times when I've felt "no one understands me" or "no one understands what I am going through". HE does. We are told that he bore our griefs and our sorrows. So, when I am feeling alone and misunderstood and judged - I know He knows me and knows what I am capable of and knows what I am going through and this gives me comfort . . .

And JOY!

A Testimony of the Sacrament

So today, during the Sacrament - I realized after awhile that they hadn't come by to offer me the bread. I usually get it right away because I lead the music and am on the stand. I looked up and realized that the deacons were all lining up which told me that the first portion (the bread) was almost over. I leaned over to Joanne (the organist) and asked her if they had forgotten us. She said, "Oh, he must have forgotten you". She leaned towards the bishopbric and let them know. But at that point all the bread had been turned in.

All of a sudden I had an overwhelming feeling of worry that I wouldn't get to take the bread and a rush of the Spirit. And I realized at that moment how much I wanted to take it and felt the need for that sanctification in my life.

I soon realized that I probably didn't need to worry and that I still might get to after they blessed the water - which is just what happened. As the deacon offered the water to the Bishop - the Bishop let him know that I needed the bread and right after that he went and got a tray of bread and came over to me. I took the bread and the water - one right after the other. The poor deacon probably felt bad and told me he was sorry and of course I told him it was okay.

I guess I was just surprised that it meant that much to me and that I really missed it when I didn't get it and how strongly I feel that I need this ordinance each week.

I kept feeling the Spirit so strongly throughout Sacrament meeting even amidst juggling Mary and felt that I should probably share the experience by bearing my testimony. I resisted because I didn't want to make the deacon feel bad. But I kept feeling that I should and so I did and I did say in my testimony that I was reluctant to share because I didn't want to make anyone feel bad. So I hope I didn't make him feel badly.

Anyway, I was glad to have this experience today and grateful to have the opportunity to renew my covenants and partake of the Sacrament.