HIT

This morning after the usual morning routine and doing the treadmill, vacuuming the downstairs (after Mary poured cereal on the carpet - she isn't supposed to have food in the carpeted areas but regretfully I decided not to enforce it this time), and getting ready (took extra long today b/c I had to wash hair, shave, dry hair) - I was completely exhausted by 11 AM.

Back up now. For about a week now, Mary hasn't been taking her afternoon naps. I always need this time for myself mentally. I usually don't nap myself - I just catch up on things and have some "me" time. But with being pregnant - you know how it is - I've just been tired and really needing a nap myself. Forget that I can't keep up on my house these days or check my email half the time. I just have needed the time for survival. So needless to say - Mary not napping has been difficult on me and really couldn't come at a worse time.

So even though she hadn't been napping, I still had her in her crib for quiet time for an hour. Problem was - I really needed to sleep and couldn't with her happy chirping down the hall. So I'd drag myself to go get her after an hour and I noticed I was not as good with her as I normally am - more snippy and impatient. I chided myself because it isn't her fault afterall.

After posting on Facebook yesterday that Mary isn't napping, I got some good suggestions and I also realized a few things. Firstly, I was putting Mary down to nap almost an hour earlier than I used to because I myself was exhausted. Also I realized that Mary is used to getting more exercise than I've been giving her of late. It has been so cold that we haven't gone to the park and so I've just done the treadmill. But that doesn't really stimulate Mary at all.

So I realized that today and I was determined to try to make sure I took Mary out to get some exercise and also put her down later (and also darken her room - I had tried this before but I did something different this time and give her an incentive to nap).

But - now I'm back to the original story - today at 11 AM - I was so tired and I didn't know what to do because I still had like 3 hours before I wanted to put her down and I still hadn't taken her on any outing. I felt just completely unable to do anything but lay down. So I put on Fantasia for her downstairs thinking that if I could just rest for 1/2 hour even that would help me. I didn't want to do that - not because I'm against videos but because she really shouldn't be left unattended downstairs - there are too many risks. But I was desperate I guess. But I couldn't sleep either because I just felt like I wasn't being a good mom. (I don't know why I didn't think to just put her in her crib for a bit???) So instead I just had a good cry for like a half hour. Jeff called and reiterated to me that I can't leave Mary unattended and somehow all that gave me enough energy to get up and get through to nap time.

I was able to feed Mary lunch and then we went outside and raked leaves and played outside. Mary was considerably helpful in raking the leaves and bagging them surprisingly. And after that she was tired and went down for her nap and actually slept this time!!!! Hallelujah!!!!!! What a blessing!!!

But as I was laying down myself for a nap, I checked my email on my phone. I learned that a fellow Kantorite's husband was in a horrible bike accident that has (at least for now) left him paralyzed from the chest down.

My first thought that HIT me was, "You have nothing to complain about". I felt badly for feeling like my lot was so hard earlier when there is someone out there who has real troubles. Mine are temporary. It is hard to keep this perspective though isn't it?

Truly, I have much to be grateful for. Now if I could just remember that . . .